-Accept how they choose to grieve. Having and even sharing pictures of a deceased child, naming a miscarried baby, avoiding pregnant women or new babies, wanting to talk about it and not wanting to talk about it are all normal things ways to deal with grief. If their actions are making you uncomfortable, imagine how uncomfortable they are. Unless you feel someone is at risk of injuring themselves, allow them to do whatever is working for them.
-Some well-meaning clichés or platitudes are hurtful or insensitive. Don’t say, “It’s meant to be”, “There was probably something wrong with the baby”, “You can always try again”, “At least you already have kids”, “Do you know why?”, or anything that minimizes the mother’s grief or could add blame to her. One woman’s relative told her “I knew that getting pregnant that close to (a health problem she’d had) would cause problems” (even though the doctor had told her it wasn’t that). Several women have heard “It’s not as bad as if you’d felt it move or something first).
-Remembrance is always nice. Condolence cards after a miscarriage are lovely. A brief note on what would have been the baby’s due date (one mom got flowers from a friend with a note that simply said “Thinking of you today.”)
-Helping is appreciated. Offer to bring over a meal, watch older kids or run an errand. There can be a physical recovery time, and knowing someone cares helps.
-Dads and grandparents are often grieving, too. A kind word to them is appreciated, too. Don’t just assume they are fine.
We all have our struggles and losses in this life, so be good to each other