​One of the questions we love to answer is “What was your best (or favorite) birth?” That’s a hard question because we have attended so many wonderful, unique births.  Certain moments from many different clients’ births stand out.  Every so often someone will ask if we’ve had worst or least favorite birth.  One doula answers that question.  Here’s the story. Identifying details have been changed.
 
I haven’t had a “worst” birth, but I definitely have had a most stressful birth…and it’s not the way you think.  I’ve had births where I’ve been at the hospital for more than 30 hours.  Births where I have come home exhausted to the bone.  Ones where the next day I’ve been sore head to toe from all that I’ve done.  Frustrating births that have ended in unplanned cesareans and births where the babies have been whisked off to the NICU.  None of them were anywhere as taxing on me as this one: The one where I did nothing.
 
Sometimes a doula doing “nothing” is a good thing. The birth is going so well, the mother is supported by a birth partner (or two!), or she is managing contractions in a way that doesn’t need the doula’s physical support – those are times we love to be “doing nothing” (though we often still take photos, notes, refill beverages, etc).  Stepping back, holding the space, reassuring mothers (and birth partners) that there is no reason to be worried, these are “nothing” things that are part of the job.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t this time.
 
“Mary” seemed like an ideal client: excited for a natural birth, in excellent health and shape, and with a supportive husband. Normal, perfect pregnancy.  She and her husband took all the prenatal classes and seemed ready in every way.  I anticipated a wonderful birth. But during labor, Mary wouldn’t let me help her in any way. She closed herself off from me and her husband, sometimes even physically turning her back on us and slapping her husband’s hands away.  She wasn’t managing her contractions well; she was visibly suffering, but refused our help, suggestions, and touch. The doctor wasn’t interested in natural birth, regardless of what Mary’s birth vision said and refused to discuss options, telling Mary that medical interventions were the only way “out of this pain”. 
 
In the end, Mary had a normal, vaginal birth with a healthy baby and no complications. She said she was content with her experience and with her, I left it at that.  I thought it was a long, lonely labor that could have been different. I don’t know what led her to be unable to accept help in that time.  I am sad that I couldn’t reach her and hope that this is a reminder to all of us that it’s okay to accept help when we struggle, in any part of our lives.    
 
So that is my hardest birth – the birth where I did nothing. 

-Because you’ve never given birth before, and it’s good to have someone experienced with you, like a tour guide in a new city.

-Because you want someone who cares about and knows you, but also can be objective in helping you make decisions.

-Because it’s a wonderful feeling to have someone who is there just for you and your comfort.

-Because there is always something a doula can be doing to help, even if it’s just “holding the space” in the room.

-Because medical terminology can be scary and overwhelming.

-Because your birth should  be as much your way as possible.

-Because nurses, even awesome nurses, can’t stay with you through your labor, even if it goes past a certain time.

-Because things change quickly during birth and you need someone who knows what to do and can think on her feet.

-Because if your partner forgets to eat, he/she will get hangry and unhelpful.
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-Because birth is a journey and one you shouldn’t take alone.
 
Why get a doula? Because you are worth it. Doulas help create healthier, happier births and you and your baby deserve that.

Have you ever heard a piece of music and it takes you back to a specific time in in your life? Have you ever laughed out loud or cried tears of joy from the memories it brings you? When my first son was born, I had made myself a mix tape. I read recently about how someone on Facebook was missing the days of mixed CDs, and I immediately felt old.

I had a former client reach out to me recently, mentioning the music that I played at her baby’s birth. Turns out, this baby is still fond of drum music. As a doula, I have always brought music to birth. There was a time when I hauled the CD from Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves to every birth, that along with my Disney CD, and I had a Boston CD, if anybody was in the mood to rock out.
These days, I usually turn to Pandora first.

As a childbirth educator, early in our sessions, I always encourage moms to bring in their own music (we play it on break time). At this point, it is not about my musical tastes, or what I think should be “birthy” sort of music. Then for a moment, I have a little fun at the expense of Enya. Don’t get me wrong; I love Enya’s music, and I have more than one Pandora station dedicated to that kind of music. But, not all births are the same, nor are all mothers. You might love the Beatles, or jazz, or country, and the list goes on. When we listen to one another’s music in class, we are exposed to styles of music different than our own, and understand that birth, like so many other hallmark events in life, is unique. The best style of music is the one that makes mom feel happy and comfortable.

When I trained as a Dancing For Birth Instructor, I learned what a huge impact being active in labor can have on a birth, and soon after was putting Dancing For Birth to practice in the labor rooms as a doula. (Have you ever seen videos of moms dancing in birth?) But more than that, it reinforced my own belief that music is an integral part of life, as it can and should be at birth.

Penny Simkin is a doula, some might say the original modern day doula. In her work, she talks about relaxation, rhythm and ritual. Simply put, labor has a rhythm all its own. (Contractions are five minutes apart, lasting for a minute, now they are four minutes apart.) The mom who is often coping well in labor has tapped into her own set of personal resources; she is relaxed. She has some sort of rhythm going on- this could be anything from vocalizing, to foot tapping, and, you guessed it music. Lastly, ritual is that total set of things a woman does in order to bring her comfort during labor. She is bouncing on her ball. Someone is feeding her ice chips. Dad is rubbing her shoulders, while music plays along in the background. This is an empowered birth, the kind which allows women to actually enjoy their labor process, and ultimately enjoy it more.

I still can be brought to tears if some of that old mix tape plays (The tape is gone, but the memories are not). Interested in knowing any of the songs I had on my mix tape? Tell me yours and I will tell you mine.
; ) 

                                                                                                                              -EH

    Jami here, and as we enter a new year, we hear people talking about a “New Year, New You” or new whatever….  I am not a huge fan of New Year’s resolutions, but I think we are definitely due for an update to thinking about birth.  Why do I think that? I spend a lot of time talking to people about birth – a lot of time.  All too often, I find myself shocked or saddened by the lack of awareness, education and/or interest in this topic.  Women often spend over 250 hours planning their wedding.  It’s an important event that changes your life. You don’t just go to the closest banquet hall, get the cheapest photographer you can find, and choose a one-size fits all dress, do you?   No two weddings are the same, and even if you’re having a simple service and minimal reception, you want it to reflect you, right?  250 hours for wedding planning, and two 5-hour intensive classes for your birth?  Seems a little off to me.  So why do we treat birth, another life-changing day, like the details don’t matter?  Just like your wedding, I believe you should learn about all your options and tailor your birth to your needs and personality.